The tennis channel is really on their game, broadcasting zero matches from Romania, Bali, and China. Instead I get to watch beach tennis, and some broad do “tennis yoga”. I sent the tennis channel a video of me masturbating with a tennis racquet in the background, so keep an eye out for that; they’re [...]
Archive for September, 2007
Monfils Breaks It Down for the Romanians, Davenport Proves Tennisburger Wrong?
Posted in tennis on September 15, 2007 | Leave a Comment »
A Virtual, Who the Fuck is That of Tennis…And Monfils Sets Sail
Posted in tennis on September 12, 2007 | Leave a Comment »
With names like Zack Fleishman, Zeng Shaoxuan, Boris Pashanski, Lu Yen-hsun, Kei Nishikori (I ordered that once), Marin Cilic, Rainer (Wolfcastle?) Schuettler, and Dudi (doody?) Sela, it’s hard to not pay attention to the Beijing Open. Apparently Baghdatis (the Blake of the Beijing Open) had trouble getting through his first match against the always tough (to [...]
Federer Wins First Grand Slam Title
Posted in tennis on September 10, 2007 | Leave a Comment »
When the morning skies grow red,
and over us their radiance shed
Thou, O Federer, appeareth in their light
when the alps glow bright with splendor,
pray to Federer, to Federer surrender
for you feel and understand
that Federer dwelleth in this land
The Swiss just edited their national anthem, replacing the word “God” with “Federer” (I know this goes against the Monfils [...]
Heninininininininin Winininininininins!
Posted in tennis on September 9, 2007 | 1 Comment »
This girl sent Serena Williams to an embarassing press conference, Venus back to the creamy thigh factory, and a dude back to Russia with her penis between her legs. Allez! This chinese guy on the left started digging a hole back home after throwing his match to Federer.
If You Want to Ride, Don’t Ride the White Horse
Posted in tennis on September 8, 2007 | Leave a Comment »
Before I went to bed last night I prayed to God (Monfils) that he would deliver an exciting tennis match via my cable provider. Skeptics, do not turn your back on Monfils, he is listening! Okay, Okay so Kuzmantsova v. Chakvetadze was a bit disappointing (this will possibly be the ugliest women’s final since [...]
The Old Man and The D
Posted in tennis on September 7, 2007 | Leave a Comment »
I really don’t have much to say as there wasn’t much to watch. It was like my eyes were raped for 138 minutes. And that’s a long time to be raped. Actually to say my eyes were raped is giving those guys too much credit as even rape takes some effort. It was more [...]
U.S. Military Does Nothing to Aid Peer in Quarterfinals
Posted in tennis on September 6, 2007 | Leave a Comment »
After many years of pro-Israeli involvement, the U.S. military stood idly by as Chakvetadze carpet-bombed the shit out of Peer and her forehead. Peer kept looking up, seemingly waiting for U.S. helicopters bearing gifts, or armed soldiers, but they never arrived as Peer went down to (not on) the Chalk 6-4, 6-1. Chakvetadze had [...]
Man Bites Bull, Woman Bites Weave
Posted in tennis on September 5, 2007 | Leave a Comment »
I will get to the women in just a second. But first I have to congratulate Ferrer on not only beating RAFA! (soundly), but for taking the time out to read my last post. Ferrer understood the importance of finishing his meal and he did so quite decisively, 6-7, 6-4, 7-6, 6-2. RAFA! and uncle [...]
I Cannot Stress Enough the Importance of Finishing Your Matches and Your Meals
Posted in tennis on September 4, 2007 | Leave a Comment »
Where did Lopez go? Where’s Blake? Anyone seen Isner? Hm. Howabout Hewitt? Haven’t seen ‘em? Wait are they over there? No. That’s a group of highschool girls. Wait! That’s them over there at Denny’s. And they’re leaving with food on their plates. Hey guys! Wait, you didn’t finish your matches OR your meals! U.S. Open [...]
Day 7
Posted in tennis on September 3, 2007 | Leave a Comment »
