I totally know what kind of guy Gilbert is…got it all figured out. There’s two types of people in this world. Those who, when they go to take a dump in a public restroom, let loose know matter how many people are in there and those who cough, flush, and try as quietly [...]
Archive for June, 2008
Reynolds Proclaims, You Can’t Dance if You Want To, Lisa Turtle Unimpressed, Tennisburger’s Eyes Take Self-Defense Class Against Mattek’s Existence
Posted in tennis on June 26, 2008 | 4 Comments »
ESPN2 Talks the Talk and Talks the Walk, and Keeps Talking and Talking
Posted in tennis on June 24, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
Welcome to my log cabin says Chris and Brad (who seems to have had head fattening surgery). Kick your feet up on our redwood coffee table. Have some fresh venison. Lay back on that bear skin rug. LISTEN TO US RAMBLE FOR 4 HOURS AND 32 MINUTES ON WHETHER OR NOT FEDERER HAS [...]
Bless Me Father For My Burger Has Sinned
Posted in tennis on June 22, 2008 | 3 Comments »
For anyone who really knows me (which would be nobody ’cause I’m more dark and mysterious than that goth girl in high school you threw your Jujubees at), you know that I am torn when it comes to play on the grass. The points are short, the crowd is full of English zombies, [...]
Tennisburger Takes Giant Hit From That Skunky, Funky, Smelly Green Shit
Posted in tennis on June 14, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
“Overcast day. Big screen behind Karlovic. RAFA! in green. Those are clouds up there. Karlovic is quite tall.” Yes, this can mean only one thing (actually two things), tennis is back with some fresh new voices. I actually do like Andrew Castle (his name is so English!), and John Lllllllloyd (there was some [...]
Day 12: You Kooze You Lose, I Scream You Scream We All Scream For Serb Cream
Posted in tennis on June 6, 2008 | 2 Comments »
Cornia Mee-row. Is she looking saucy or what? I can’t make heads or tails of what kind of vibe she’s trying to throw out there. Gothic Tennis Interviewer? Slutty soccer mom (a bit redundant given all the soccer moms I’ve seduced)? Boring, middle-aged, shy person with too much makeup? Yup, that’s the one. [...]
And on the 11th Day He Rested (and Pumped His Fist)
Posted in tennis on June 4, 2008 | 1 Comment »
The streets of Tennisburger are on fire! Cars are overturned! Girl’s are showing their bazooms. Old ladies are dancing in the streets! Downstairs, landlords are annoyed. Roommates flee to their respective jobs! Tennisburger drunk off Monfils’ foxiness (and King Cobra). Monfils stares down Federer and it’s safe to say the letter has been [...]
Day 10ovic: Nadal Joins Kosovo in Declaring Independence From Serbia
Posted in tennis on June 4, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
So aside from taking control of tennis, Serbia now controls France’s (not Francis) air, water, food and porn supply. I’m not sure what the Serbian equivalent of “Allez!” is but you can insert it here_________!
Let me cover the men in green first as I didn’t watch ‘em. The color green [...]
DAY 9: Gleaming the Lube, Americant’s, and Safina Upsets Tennisburger’s Eyeballs
Posted in tennis on June 3, 2008 | 1 Comment »
Dear Diary, [...]
Day 8: Ivanovic Struggles Against Czech, Morariu Tag-Teamed by Four Giraffes Behind Porta Potty
Posted in tennis on June 2, 2008 | 2 Comments »
Heh. Guess I owe you guys some one way dialogue after that last post, eh? Well I’m back home, and ready to watch tennis again on my couch, with some foie gras smothered in mayonaise (you can take the boy out of the neck, but you can’t take the neck out of the boy, [...]
Day 7: Tennis Channel Online Breaks Tennisburger’s Heart in Straight Sets, 6-1, 6-1
Posted in tennis on June 1, 2008 | 4 Comments »
My downward spiral began yesterday as I realized I was starting to enjoy white bread, mayonaise, and sittting in the backyard with no shoes or socks. This downward trend continued today as I logged onto the Tennis Channel’s online “coverage” to find that of the 8 mens matches, only 5 were being shown and [...]
