Under a new moon Dr. Googley Eyes munched on a slice of New York’s droopiest while the Hamburgler somehow beat Gulbis in 4 sets. Gulbis had more errors than I have yawns (right now). How many errors does it take to get to the center of your being? According to Sarte’s Being and Nothingness and [...]
Archive for August, 2008
Srebotnik Leads Anti-Tranny March, Hamburgler Plans Prison Escape at Midnight, Alves Beats Federer (to Locker Room)
Posted in tennis on August 30, 2008 | 2 Comments »
Santoro Smothered to Death By Roddick’s Balls, Mr. Mom Cleans Kleybanova’s Room and Finds Weed Pipe Then Grounds Her from 2nd Round
Posted in tennis on August 28, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
Do you know what the fuck that is? Well Do you? It’s a doorag. But it’s not just any doorag, it’s a leather doorag. But it’s not just any leather doorag, it’s a leather doorag with the American flag on it. Eleven stars on it, to proudly represent the 11 states of this great, fat [...]
Today’s Menu: Meusburger, Donaldburger w/a Side of Woe, Trannyburger, Monfiletburger, and the Bjornmelt w/a Complimentary Near Beer
Posted in tennis on August 26, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
Meusburger! After a couple failed attempts at reppin’ the burger she finally went behind the counter, grabbed a handful of dead cow flesh, rolled it up into a giant pink ball (stay back Mirk, it’s not a snowball), squished it, threw a little salt n’ pep on it, and tended to the [...]
RAFA! Gets Set to Humor Millions of Obese Millionaires with 1,000,001 (not so) Death Defying Tennis Tricks, Maximo and Bjorn Argue Over Who Gets to Lose First
Posted in tennis on August 24, 2008 | 2 Comments »
Man! Was that Pen Pilot final the most sleep inducing match every played before eyes? I was kinda coming off a HUGE (see: caps) bender and my body was like, “more drugs or we’re shuttin’ this place down for a while.” I was fresh out of money (it’s not like I know when [...]
Tennisburger Switches to Coverage of Swimming, Badminton and Women’s Softball, Then Stabs it’s Own Eyes Out
Posted in tennis on August 13, 2008 | 7 Comments »
Tennis anyone? Anyone with the powers of ESP? Is the programming of tennis olympics (if that last word is suppose to be capitalized, I just officially de-capitalized it out of anger) made only for David Copperfield and The Amazing Kreskin? On my DVR guide there is just a block of 10 hours titled [...]
The Hottest Woman on the Hard Courts is Not the Hottest Woman on the Hard Courts, Scottish Tooth Admits He Didn’t Want to Win
Posted in tennis on August 4, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
I really wanted to title this post, “The Two Ugliest People on the Planet Win Titles Not Proclaiming Them the Ugliest People on the Planet” but I thought that’d be really mean (and kinda inaccurate), but I did think it was somewhat funny, hence this lame admission. Safina won again. I don’t know what [...]
Murray’s Teeth Complain About and Subsequently Thrash the Service at Karlovic’s Croatiaurant, RAFA! Gets Front Row Seat to Matinee of Revenge of the Nerds
Posted in tennis on August 3, 2008 | 2 Comments »
The nerds are back in town indeed. Hide your (fake) blonde girlfriends, her panties, and, well shit, just hide everything, nerds are relentless and will take over entire schools and towns as we learned in the best movie ever. Before I get into this and that, and everything in between let me take a moment [...]
